Monday morning and I am early to Richard’s office. Really. Early. I did not sleep a wink all night and kept looking at my cell to see the time. 1:OO AM 2:30AM – 4:00AM. Finally, at 4:55AM I get up and out of bed, dog-tired. As I brush my teeth, I study my face in the bathroom mirror. My balloon face had calmed somewhat down. As I am spitting out the toothpaste, washing my face, I grab my brush, put my hair up into a ponytail and brush out a few bangs. I add a little more face powder to the bags under my eyes-a couple of coats of black mascara and a bit of lipstick. Then I went into our walk-in closet looking for something to wear.
One side is my clothes-the other side Nicks. My first thought is to pour gasoline on them and set them on fire. I dig through my clothes looking for something business-like. I chose my black pants with the seam down the middle. And a long-sleeve red blouse with matching buttons and French cuffs. Put on black pumps. Restless and not hungry, I leave the house.
As I drive I think of all the things I want to say to Richard. And when the raio said it was only 7am I decided to grab a coffee at the grocery store near Richard’s office to wait out the 2 hours before our 9AM meeting. There were quite a few small round tables with chairs facing a large glass case with live crabs sitting on the bottom some walking around.
So, I sat down with my coffee and drank slowly, looking at people, not use to sitting in public my myself. I had never even eaten in a restaurant by myself. I had been with Nick since i was 16. We eloped at 19 and Nick was 21. Wed by a minister of the new truth who read from The Propet Kalin Kabil as we stood in a farmers field that said when we ased him he said he reckoned it was ok with him for us to get married in his field.
I was digging thru my purse, where I usually keep a notepad and pencil. A list maker, it was the only way i could keep track of my life, our life, us. So, lost I hadonly grabbed a clutch and threw in my license, lipstick and keys. I was squirming in my sit, feeling so uncomfortable I dropped my napkin when i lookd back up. I notice a Crab had fallen over onto it’s back. It’s tiny legs are floundering. Feeling sad, I wish I could put my hand in the water and flip it over.
Unexpectedly, another Crab starts to approach it. I watch how it slowly gets closer and closer then stops and reaches out its claw. The suffering crab clutches it and together the Crab is pulled up until it is standing. I nearly choke on my coffee. At once, I burst into tears. I could not believe what i just saw. Do even Crustaceans help each other in their time of need.
Would my husband have ever saved me?