"Overdone and Undercooked" Newspaper Columns©

”My property, was a showcase, Ted.  You should talk.  Your roof looked like it was going to cave in!  With all that Moss, and none of us, embarrassed you, by saying so, to your face.  This is the Goddamn Great recession.  No one can find work.  It took me seven months to find full time work.  I was there four months and layedoff.  I’am on unemployment right now.

”We have declining home values.  Old People are Wall Mart Greeters because their retirement saving, their nest eggs, are wiped out!! ” I say rapidly all in one sentence .  My voice high and cracked.  How many hoops, do I have to jump through?  For the first time in my life, I had to go to Human-Services to receive Food Stamps!! I began again. ”….You suffered in your twenties??? Everyone suffered in their Twenties.  I’m too old to start over.

Get off my property!!! How dare you call my property, trash!!.  How about congratualtions for keeping your one for the last 3 years, after getting blindsided, when the only bread winner left.”

Finally, finished with hardly any air left in my lungs.  I felt like an outlaw in my own home.  Having to defend myself.

Ted was staring at me frowning. ”Everyone in this neighborhood lives changed when you did, Jillie.  We had to put up with Boats. And all the different people, coming and going, from your Barn Renters. And a yard that you can’t keep up and…..”

”TED!”  Mike, had an irritated expression on his face. ”Okay….here’s what it is Jillie.  You said a year of parking and you would be on your feet.”  ”I know the Semi was a problem OK.  But, now I have mostly just boats, and really good renters.  Without the parking I can’t pay the bills.”  ”The parking can’t be paying for your Mortgage, ”Mike says gently.  ”No, no, no, no however, I have other bills too.  Like Utilities.  If they only knew I was already on Food Stamps.

”When I was in my 20’s ”Ted said, as Cigarette smoke came out his nose. ”I had to start over.”  ”I’M NOT IN MY TWENTIES,” I shout back.  I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry, as I feel tears rising.  ”OH, that is your excuse. Your age.”  ”Oh, please.  What are you nuts?  Of course.  I don’t have three degrees and three designations like my husband.  I barely finished High School.

”We can’t sell our property if we wanted to.  ”Ted says as he pitches his cigarette butt over the deck railing.  ”It is the worst recession since the 1930’s.  This is not a time to sell property,” I scream at Ted.

Come a little closer you prick.  I will kick you in the balls. ”All of us neighbors want you out.”  ”REALY, REALY!!  How would you sell your properties if my house falls down?  And the field never get mowed.  And there is a Big foreclosure sign on the Front Door.”  I could feel the tears intensifying.  I was not going to give Ted the pleasure of humiliating me.

I am not a Millennial that can scream ”FUCK YOU” in every sentence.  Though it was the only word, I thought might shut him up.  I waited for a response.  There was an embarrassing silence.

”Well, you’re going to Foreclose anyway” says Ted, defiantly.

 

I knew right then and there.  It was the Boat Parking in my field.  I had let one of the Renters put a Tent over the Boat.  It really was huge.  Too afraid to say anything to the Boat Owner.  In fear ,that he would not pay upfront, the three-month rent.

”Ted, calm down.  And let’s have a conversation with her,” said Mike.  What is going on.”  I say puzzled. ”Jillie.”  Mike clears his throat.  His 6-feet frame lowered with his slumped shoulders and tilted head.  ”Um. Yes. Um. The wives aren’t here because…”   Before he could answer, Ted jumps in with a shout!  ”We  want you out of our neighborhood.”  Compared to my 5ft 7in frame Ted was short.  But he was like a piece of gristle.  With the added pinched look of a man who drinks a couple of six packs every day and smokes unfiltered cigarettes.

The only thing that looks alive on him is his hair.  From the top of his forehead to the back of his ears his mop had to be four inches in height.  It was so thick and curly you yould barely see the cigarette that sat strangled inside curl on the side of his ear.

”Mike…?  Mike!”  What is Ted talking about?  ”I will tell you what I’m talking about.  ”Ted moves closer to me as I step back.  ”We have had enough of YOU and how YOU have junked out OUR neighborhood.”  ”Neighborhood?? There are just the four familes on a total of ten acres, I said.”

”Jillie, three years ago you came to our home,”  Mike said, with a warm smile.  ”Mike, I would ask you to sit, but I have sold all the Deck Furniture.  ”I laugh nervously.” ”Hey! She just…..”  ”STOP Ted.  Let me finish my sentence.”  Mike turned his back on Ted and looks at me as if I were the Village Idiot. ”Jillie, slowly he continues, ”You said, you needed money, or you were going to put parking in your field.”

”Parking!”  Jesus Christ.  She has had boats, cars and don’t forget the God Damn semi-truck.”

As  I step out of the shower, I hear the knock on the front door.  Please, Please, don’t be any more Police.  I silently pray.  Dripping wet.  I grab a towel around me and tiptoe to the beige blinds on the bedroom window.  I peek out the slits in the blinds, closed against the morning sunlight, and look down onto the wood deck.

OH MY GOD.  it is my neighbor, Mike!  Oh my gosh.  He is here to help me!  I fling off the towel.  Dig through the pile of dirty clothes on the floor.  Cursing the broked washing machine.  Literally jump into my sweats and old t-shirt.  No makeup. Wet head.  I don’t care I’m too excited.  I run down the stairs so fast it feels like flying.  In to the family room and out onto the deck.

I stop short.  My neighbor is not alone.  ”Hello Jillie.”  ”Oh.  Uh….Hi Ted.” I walk to Mike.  My favorite neighbor.  Not Ted.  One of—if not the most—pig-headed cocky human beings on the Planet.  With a friendly pat on Mike’s shoulder I ask, ”Where’s your wife?”  ”We need to talk,” says Ted.  I look at Mike.  He is looking down at the ground.  I assume because the deck has several holes from rotting wood.  But I know better.  He’s embarrassed.  Once again Ted (neighborhood bully) has butted  into something that is none of his business.

”Mike, I appreciate you coming over.  I’m so glad for the help.”

“Help?”  We are not here to help you, Jillie.”  ”What did you say, Ted?”  ”You heard me.”

 

Always a strange mix of people at these jobs.  Many divorced ladies, kids taking a break from college, people working second jobs.  The weird mix of people stuck in a mess.  A few that stay years, and others that only make it a couple of days.

The desperate, like me.  I would go in the bathroom and do wall push ups.

The phone calls were full of answering machines, hang-ups, wrong number, gigling smartass children, pushing all the buttons.   The people on the phone, the elderly, the angry, the confused and the long waits between calls and no voicemails. There were some funny voice mails.  Here ’tis a few of my favorites.  ”I, am  as old, as when God created light.”  ”No one said I love you today…well…we do.”  ”How long your boots been under someone else’s bed.”  ”I will live well and die when I can’t help it.”

What is so ironic is on the day I quit Furniture Buy, I had an EPHANY!  I am in control.  Not the Bills.  Not the Mortgage.  Not the lack of Finances.  I am in control.  I have lived here on my own.  In four months it will be for Three Years by myself.  Fear takes away.  I decide how to react over employees, Sheriffs, and losing the window seat.   I am no longer in fear.  And no longer need Social Services. I will not go there anymore.  I can find me back again.  I cancelled Food Stamps. I am done.  I will not go there anymore.   It is very odd because I have part-time work, little unemployment money, and no idea how I’m going to pay my Mortgage. But I feel safe and okay.  I cut off food stamps and Hope Link.  I am not afraid to be with out, as I can always get a telemarketing job.  I know all my past fears.  I have gone through and no how to handle them.

Is that why?  Because, I have walked across the hot coals.  I know what it taste, smell,  and feels like.  Been here – done that.  I can face something, I am familiar with, the last 3 years, were full of scary monsters.  Unknown, unsure and all very unsafe.

Hit me again I DARE YOU!!!

 

However, after training, I could sit in my cubicle and make my phone calls. Until one day….  I did the HORROR of looking out the window…  Yes!  You heard that right.  That was a NUMBER ONE  NO. NO.

In spite of the fact that boredom had grabbed me by the neck.  And the big ole bowl of Candy Corn at the front desk.  I thought I had enough time to grab a handful and get back to my cubicle in time.  I plopped down on my chair.  And it swiveled my head in the window direction.   And just like that!!  Wozer Carol (who was not Management, but unfortunately did training) SCREAMED louder than a Space Shuttle Launch.

I turned in horror to have her make me stand up!  She marched me to the front of the room.  And in front of everyone.  She told the Boss, Gary, not once but twice the horrible offense I did.  Of Looking out the window.  Boss, Gary immeadiately told me to clear my desk.  And the entire row was to switch seats.  All because of me.  And only Carol…would be sitting in that seat. That had a window.  From now on!

Oh Boy, I was almost getting to the 3rd month with the promise of increased pay in the 4th month.  And I just this minute!  Got yelled at by my 28 year old boss, Gary!  Why?? Oh, boy, hold your breath.  But this afternoon I was caught not dialing at precisely 1 pm.  And the punishment!  At Furniture Buy was 96 cents taken out of my paycheck for being late.

I can think of one million other things that I could be doing.  And all this time wasted is the worst time I will never to get back again.

Furniture Direct Buy – Remember–When someone else is asking the Questions.  They are in control.  Use Mr./Mrs. if you have not verified first name, and first name if you have.

”How much does it cost?” (First question on cost.  Presume it relates to the information.)  There’s no cost for the information (first)  The only thing we do ask is that if we take the time to send you the information, you read it over and consider visiting the club.  Fair enough? …  Go back to script.

”What is the membership fee?” (Second question on cost. Related directly to membership.) There are several different plans available (first) and that all depends on the type and length of membership.  All that will be covered in the Open House, now as I was saying… Go back to script.

“Is there any obligation?” (First) the only obligation is that if we send you the information, you read throught it.  Then if it’s interesting, we’ll invite you to come see for yourself how much less things actually cost.  Fair enought?…  Go back to script.

”You folks have called before.”  Oh, good!  Well, let me ask you, have you (folks) ever taken the opportunity to actually visit our DirectBuy club?  Yes: Go to answere#8 No. Okay well….Go back to script.

”How did you get my name.?” (First)  I’ve been given a list of people here in the city area to give them the opportunity to hear about DirectBuy and I was calling…Go back to script.

”I don’t want to set an appoinment now.” (Incentive or Non-Incentive PR)  We don’t either (first).  We just want you to read the information, and then if it’s interesting, we’ll confirm and Open House time…. Go back to script.

”We’re already members!”  Okay, we’ll look forward to seeing you at the club soon.  Have a nice morning/afternoon/evening.)

”We already been in.”  So you (folks) have already attended and Open House that lasts about an hour or so at a Direct Buy club?  Yes:  Okay, how long ago was that?  (If within last year)  Then as you know, you’re not eligible for membership at this time.  But you have a nice (morning/afternoon/evening)  Good Buy.”

”No: Well you sould definitely come in to see how DirectBuy works.  Now, as I was saying….Go back to script.

 

I was on what number of jobs now?  Biz-x, Top Search, STVA, Banquet serving, Cascade, Walk-in-Bathtub, Claims R US, 3- day job-Prominence, Defi and now Furniture Direct Buy.

Eleven Jobs.  But who’s  counting?

Direct Buy, is a Membership buying service.  Headquartered in Merrillville, Indiana.  It claims that this is the largest Franchiser of Members-Only consumer buying centers in North America.  Members pay a significant fee.  Which then entitles them to buy Merchandise ”Directly from the Manufacturer.” And its autorized suppliers.”

My newest job at Furniture Direct Buy.  Is as a position as a Telemarketer.  This one worked, from 1pm to 9pm with a Dinner break.

That was good, as it gave me, Banquet serving hours in the morning.

We each had our own Cubicle in a Call Room.  For the first three months of training you get minimum wage.  With the promise of increased pay in the 4th month.

We were to call people that had received our Post Card.  And a chance to Win the Golden Key!

If they came inside Furniture Buy, and tried on the Key, that is attached to their letter, they could win a Prize, if the Key fits the Lock!!!

There was one-worker. Carol.  I tried really hard not to stare. However, it didn’t seem to bother her that her tattooed eyebrows, looked like a black tire track.  That missed the corner of her eye and landed in a heap on the other side of her forehead??

I felt sorry for her.  I tried to keep my eyes. Just on her eyes.  But, she didn’t even notice. Because, she was too busy, shouting commands.  Not just me.  Everyone.  And she had obiviously never heard of Inside Voice.

Carol trained me. And then, at breaks, would start the commands:

Did I do this?  Or that?

And literally, my ears.

Would be ringing.

 

 

Trish reached over and took my hand and gave it a quick squeeze. ”Well, enough already!  Failure and Fear go hand in hand.”  She shook her head and reached into her handbag.  She pulled out her phone.  ”I know someone who can help you.”  I could hear the phone ringing and then Trish said. ”Penny, this is Trish.  Oh, yes, dinner tonight.  Right, great I’m looking forward to it.  I thought that perhaps we.”   She stopped talking and listened intently and then she said, ”By the way, I wanted to talk to you about my neighbor.” ”Yes, that one whose husband abandoned her.  She needs work. Great. Thanks, hon.  See you tonight.”

Not sure of my next step.  I was relieved and once again found that people will help you if you just ask.  A week later, I sat inside an Insurance office, working part-time for Trish’s best friend, Penny.  I parked my beat-up red truck far away on my first day, and walked into the building.  I found her Insurance Office door and knocked. Penny, tall, well dressed with wispy gray hair.  Told me that she was 70 years old and had found a great new tool to use in Insurance.  We went into a room with a large round wood table.  And in the front a large white Dry Erase Board hung on the wall.  Penny handed me a college-ruled composition book to take notes.  And I grabbed a pen out of an extra-large pencil holder made out of the same wood as the table.

She explained that it was called ”Bank on Yourself.”  And writing rapidly on the whiteboard,  I was trying to write down everything she wrote, to put in my new crisp composition book.  ”Jillie,  Bank on Yourself is a company and strategy that lets you bypass Banks and Wall Street and take back control of your money and finances with whole Life Insurance Policies.

I like Penny.  She is vibrant, enthusiastic, and happy to have me.  My hours were from 3 to 8pm making phone calls to her client list about this new program.  Today, I have $125.00 from Penny and $85 from a Boat Renter in the field.   I have still not Foreclosed.  I was still begging creditor’s.  However, I did miss a payment on Novadebt.  I have been late twice but not missed.  ”I told the Operator.  She said, ”She had heard a lot.  But my story was the far worse story than any she heard.”  She said, ”A woman spent 16 years in Prison.  A crime she didn’t commit.  But Jilly, your crime was you were too nice, and your Husband abused that.  And girl, I know you have been struggling to pay your bills.

But do not give up!  Not now you are trying and doing a Damn good job.  So don’t give up now, Missy!”   ”Thank you,” I said.  ”Your kindness made my day!”  I told her I would not give up!  And that I would continue my practice of calling the Mortgage every other day.  To remind them not to Foreclose on me!

I know now, that I can always get a Telemarking job.  I know now, all my past fears I have are gone.  I don’t miss Mitch anymore.  And I am not crying as much.  However, I do miss security, stability, goals, and plans.  Penny would not be able to give me full-time work, so I continued to send resumes.

And three months later.  I got a call.

 

 

Unemployment wants work since 2010.

I actually had forgotten, my one month at AVST.  My 3 days at Financial Credit.  And now my four months at BIZX.

All had one thing in common.  Job’s that didn’t require any skill.  Other than calling on the phone.

I want to come back, out to the Sun.  But, I have once again, been kicked out.

So, so, tired.  Now, I have no choice, but to move forward.  However, all I want is comfort food, TV, and sleep.

On my last day with Biz X. That evening I went to the Post Office.  And unbelievably!!  Came back, and I had locked, my only house key!  Locked the Truck key! And double unbelievable!! I had left the Truck running.

A lady walked out of the Post Office.  And she suggested I walk across the street to the Fire Department.  In tears again…but not flowing.  I told the Fireman, who came with me, back to the truck.  He used a Slim Jim down the window.  Which popped the button in the door jam.

He hugged me GoodBye.  I almost didn’t let go.  I wanted soooo badly for somebody to save me.

After 7 months to find a full-time job.  Only to find me back to the dark, cold and clammy bottom.  So, so, so tired.  I know I have no choice but to move forward.  However, all I want is comfort food, TV, and sleep.

But my sweet, tiny, old lady, Neighbor sighs.  We sit across from each other on the window seat in my living room.  There is nowere else to sit.

I no longer have a kitchen table, or chairs, or living room furniture.  All sold.  For a considerable discount.  Great deals for the buyer.  Heartache for the seller.

Trish looks genuinely concerned at the empty rooms, and the tears falling down my face once again.  ”This is how I see myself,”  I had told Trish.

”Like a left-over Christmas Ornament  (found under the couch)  not worth the bother of putting it back into the Christmas box.  So, it ends up stored inside the pantry all year. ”

Out of the way.

Until next Christmas.