"Overdone and Undercooked" Newspaper Columns©

First day of Culinary School!

0n our first day of culinary school, we were to meet in a classroom.  There were about 25 students all in our street clothes.  The room had long tables lined up together in rows and chairs sat behind.  A screen was in the front of the room and one wall had windows to the hallway.

As we all found a seat, we met our first instructor.  A woman Chef who stood at the front of the room.  She wore checker pants, a Chef jacket and big black clogs with rubber soles.  She later said in case a knife fell on your foot or you slip on grease. She did not wear a smile or makeup and had her hands clasped behind her back.

As we all settled in, she stood up front and began to introduce herself.  She had just told us her name and to call her Chef Laura.  When the closed door opened.  It was my friend Travis from math class.  Chef Laura lit into Travis. “Why was he late?  That he should never be late again.  As student’s we first need to know that we are all a team and we count on each other!

She didn’t stop there.  Travis stood in the doorway while Chef Laura lectured him in a tone of meanness and aggression that seemed over the top.  However after meeting many Chef’s her attitude was like them all.

Mean.

Travis , such a nice guy, didn’t deserve it, and I could tell by the look on his face he wasn’t going to take it ever again.

December 29

RE: Notice of Intent to Withdraw

This is my timely written letter of objection to the Notice of Intent to Withdraw from my current representation of my attorney dated December 22.

According to the state rules of professional conduct, the date of withdrawal is 10 days after service of notice including three days for mailing and must be sent certified mail.

I received an e-mail on December 22 and three letters-none of them certified; withdrawal of representation was given with less than 10 days’ notice with last day of representation, January lst.

I was not given reasonable notice-especially during the Christmas/New Year holidays. I was not allowed enough time for employment of other counsel.

Even the Westside Legal Assistance and Neighbor Legal Clinic closed for the holidays.  Both re-open January 3 as do most law offices on holiday vacation. Furthermore, per the Rules of Professional Conduct no papers were surrendered, which as the client I am entitled to.

My attorney was on holiday starting December 20 until January 3 and unavailable and unwilling to explain these matters to the extent reasonably necessary to permit myself to make informed decisions on a brief discussion held months ago.

We agreed to continue representation until the end of the case.

Like Paul Bunyan, the giant lumber jack and we together sawed back and forth at herculean speed (at least 18 minutes) and by gawd that saw chewed through maybe a good inch!

We plopped down on the wet ground to brainstorm.  We came up with a new plan.

Paige would lasso the top of the tree.   And i would give it a good kick on the bottom.  And we would yell TIMBER!

”TIMBER”

It fell down!

We both looked at each other in disbelief!!

But then we tried to pick it up!  It was way more substantial than the axe.

Now what?

I grabbed the big blue tarp and threw it across the driveway.  ”If we can roll that sucker over here on top of the tarp, then we can drag it up to the house,” I yelled over the toppled Christmas tree.

And pull it we did!

And a considerable amount of time of stopping to rest.

Then we would get cold and start back upheaving the tree and then get too hot again and start back upheaving the tree.

Earlier than expected, we hit the front door of the house!

Refreshed and energized by our triumph to have made it to the door!

“Your know how Dad loved that little blue-green pine tree.  Shaped like a Christmas tree at the end of the driveway.”  I said to Paige, who was lying on the couch, reading a textbook.  “He would always run his hand through it to smell the pine.  You know, we, I mean, I can, we can…

Paige sat up.  She slammed the textbook shut.  She turned to look at me, wearing a big grin on her face.  We didn’t have to say a thing.

We gathered up our outdoor clothes: Rain jacket, rubber boots, grabbed gloves, and headed out to the barn to find an ax.

We did find it with all the other tools that were stuck-fast in the wall.  “Whoa, Mom, way to get your anger out!” exclaimed Paige, when she saw all the tools stuck in the wall.

We rummaged through the tools and found rope, ax, a long saw with handles on both ends and a tarp.  We started down the driveway loaded with gear.

“Wow.  It is way bigger than I remember,” I said.  ‘And wide,” Paige said.  It was tall maybe 6 feet  9 inches (I have no idea really) I had never really looked at it this close before.  I could not quite get my fingers to touch around the width of the trunk.

Tools and I have an understanding. I don’t want to be a handyman. The reason I bring this up is that Paige just handed me the ax.  I had no more held an ax than used an ax.  And the ax was heavy!

But I had enough antagonism for both of us!!  My first try and the ax stuck in the tree.  Paige grabbed it and I grabbed her waist and we pulled.  The ax stayed.

We fell.  Paige on top of me and whacked me in the chin with her head.  We could not stop laughing. Now we have dirt on our face and in our hair and it is lightly snowing.

Yay! A white Christmas, maybe.  I was doubled over with cramps from laughing so hard.

“Screw the ax! Let’s try that saw.” I said. With the ax still in the tree we grabbed the two handles saw.

 

My daughter Paige is home from College for Christmas.  Our first new life:  Christmas without a father, without a husband.  I feel as if my heart has a hole in it so embarrassed that Paige’s father was no longer family.

After decades of Christmas day’s together.  I love all the holidays, but Christmas is the only day everyone is confined in the house because they want to be.  The warm feel and familiarity of tradition.  Same ornaments, same special breakfast, same holiday movie.

The same mess in the clean house of ribbons, wrapping paper, empty boxes scattered around and under the tree.  The family is all safe, warm, full, and best of all…together.

This Christmas Paige and I are both living on Financial Aid.

Together we decided it is best to have No Presents and No Christmas tree.

Studying law in college, Paige is inundated with studies and homework no time for Christmas anyway, she said.

Paige and I sat silently in the living room on this cold, bitter Christmas Eve Day.  My gray mood had turned black.  No Tree.  No Presents. No  Christmas. I shook my head.  I did not know what to do.

And then I had an Idea!

“Goodbye.”

I left the coffee shop just shaking.  Now I felt tired, aching tired, so deeply tired it was hard to find enough oxygen to lean against the coffee shop outside wall.

Biting my lip and clenching my fists at Cecilia.

Congratulation Cecilia.  Ta-da! In less than 10 minutes you have made me feel small and invisible. Was it not enough that Nick threw my life away?

Now my supposed best friend? Kicked dirt in my face.  I had never seen the green on her face before.  I always congratulated her or praised her but now looking back when I would be excited there never was a nice response.

Except for just a change of subject.  Whenever a suggestion or something you thought was nice. She would shrug her shoulders, tilt her head and say, “Nah.”

Worst then betrayal is abandonment.  You never forget the pain. You never loose sight of why? You never really trust or forgive again.  It changes you in a way no other emotion can.

Losing your innocence your naivety your desire to believe. It turns it all into dust.

No more solid ground.

Tiny little specks of what once was is now stuck in your hair, your mouth, your nose.  You never breathe the same; aways something caught in your throat…it is the leftover.

The leftover of love that has died.

An unseemingly and untimely death to only you as the other players watch, laugh, smirk, at your ignorance.  Smug in their knowledge of deceit they hang around you like shadows.

Pop up unexpected and stay as long as they want.

And then gone again only to leave you cold, alone, and shaken.

Abandonment is the cruelest thing you can do to another human being.

I never saw Cecilia again.

 

“I am the same age as you are.  Are you ready to go into a senior citizen home?  You have a trust fund Cecilia. Are you telling me that you will not help me financially to save the house?  The house is all I got.  What part of I have no education and bad credit are you not hearing?  Where am I going to live?  I have to save the house just to survive in the coming years.”

I can hear the hysteria in my voice, as I spread my hands and arms away from my body, with furrow brow. I might add.  Cecilia didn’t react.  Silence betwen us. My face is hot and my ears are pounding as my blood pressure rises.

With a deep breath. Gently I say, “You know I will pay you back after the house sells.”

“It is causing you so much stress Jillie just dump it and move on with your life.” She said boorishly.

I raise my head in disbelief. ”Cecilia is this your way of saying your not going to help me?”  Great.  Just great. Talking to her was like spitting in the ocean.  My words meant nothing to her, as I guess our friendship, didn’t either. I know if it was reversed I would help my friend in need and talk not just brush me off.

“It is what it is.” She said looking down at her tea and dunking and redunking her tea bag over and over until I stopped her.  I leaned back in my sit and shook my head.  “So, now I understand when I told you Nick had left. And I don’t even know, if you know that you smiled, when I said the attorney is leaving.  Who smiles at someone’s pain?

“I never realized before Cecilia how jealous you were of me?  But I do now.  I also know that you are a Fairweather friend.”

She refused to look at me.

My anger was spreading like cheat grass.

Cecilia was cheapter than table salt.

I forced myself to calm down.  I will put my latest worries, the latest fires, the latest threats, and scares into my Worrry Box.

The first thought that came into my head after I hung up with the Attorney was my long time friend Cecilia.  I texted her and asked if she would  meet me for coffee.

I had not seen Cecilia since that fateful day where I threw up our lunch in the car.  It took me months to call her and even then,  I couldn’t stop crying.  Cecilia is a Trust Fund Baby.  Surely, she would have some dollars to spare to help and old friend, right?  I mean we have been buddies since Junior High School.  I just need enough money to keep my attorney  and get their deed of trust off the house.

Cecilia sat at a small round table with two chairs when I approached her, she shouted. “Hey look who’s back!” Her tone and smile gave me a small eagerness that all would be right.  It’s ok hun” she said  as she patted my hand.  You do look like hell though.” Cecilia was in her Zumba class outfit green nd yellow dye-tied looking tights and a zipped black jacket.  Her bright red hair tied up in a topknot.

“I hope I didn’t take you from class.”  “Oh, no I have to leave soon though.”  “I see you got tea aready I’ll get something in a minute.” I said. ‘I’m so embarrassed but I need to talk to you.  The Attorney has put a lein on the property and is leaving me for lack of payment.”

A smile formed on Cecilia lips.  I almost thing she didn’t even realize it.  I kept talking and ignore it. “The attorney is leaving me for lack of payment.  I feel defeated, alone, and scared out of my wits.  And to top it off I can’t stop crying I’m beginning to feel lost.  Lost and that I will lose everything including my home, money and my dignity.  Trial is only 4 months away.  I’m broke.  I can’t get another attorney and if i go to trial…

Cecilia interrupted.  “Just get rid of the house.”  “You mean foreclosure”. I said. “Yes. Everybody is doing it , so what.”  I leaned in close.  ”So what? You do recall that I have no education and now I also have very bad credit. Where am I going to go live. I hastened to say.

‘Oh, please there are plenty of senior citzen homes. She cackled, too heartily.

In November, I was awarded by the Court my House.

The first thing the Attorney said was, ”Why do you want it?”

I told her because it is two acres of land and the recession will be over one of these days.

“Well, you realize you have sole responsibility for the Mortgage, Taxes, Utilities, etc.  so in lieu of you getting the house you will receive no Alimony.”

And then she left another bombshell in December.

“Because you are behind in paying your Attorney fees, we are going to bring an end to your case.  We are also putting a Deed of Trust on your property.”

“What?”  I said on the phone to her.  “And in case you don’t know what that is, we basically own your house until you pay us.”

“Now?”  Are you leaving me this month?

“Yes, we are pulling out this month.”

“But….but you can’t.  I have no one to defend me if we end up in Trial this coming March.”

“Not our problem.  We will send you a formal letter of withdrawal.” She hung up.

I had already realized in these last nine months that Court is a he-says, she- says, and no one is going to win.

Judges and Police don’t know you from Adam.

 

Mrs. Mortimer then told us our first assignment.  “Teach the class something you know.  The students (your peers) will individually Grade your overall achievement.”

The only thing I could think of was making carrot juice with my Juicer.  I dragged my Juicer to school. It was heavy and awkard. And the acoustics engineered for high quality made it a nitemare. And since we were in a huge auditorium with rows of seating I knew immeadiatly I brought a wrong thing to bring to school.

It was so LOUD in the auditorium .  No one could hear me.  The screaming juicer  got every one laughing.

Once the Juicer of carrot juice was full a student voluntered to help me pass the juice around to my classmates.  The reviews: Where half the class laughing.  Another half passing around the juice.  And others were saying the juice was good.  But everyone agreed it was too LOUD to hear you.  Others said it was a “Good Presentation.”

However, there were two student presentation’s that I will never forget.

One was an Old Hippie.  She brought down the screen on the stage.  She told us that she was a Ghost Hunter.  Her slides were dark and scary.  Her audio of her encounters with Ghosts made us all feel “Someone is walking over my grave”

The other was a quiet woman probably in her 40’s who came up onto the stage with nothing.

She was the last speaker of the day.  She started to talk about Parrots.

Suddenly she stops talking and starts to open her closed jacket.  And inside on her shoulder was her Parrot!!  It had sat on her shoulder inside her jacket during all the presentations.

She said the Parrot was ill.  She had been pulling out it’s feathers.  She explained why and the Parrot never spoke and did not leave her shoulder.  She got massive applause from all the other students!!   I was enjoying school and reqretted so much that I had never attended before.

When I was young and lived with my parents my mother used to tell me I was just a renter.  My father used to tell me women just get married so why waste and education on a housewife.

Was that their thinking or societies in the 1960’s.